Sometimes I wish I could record my thought process rather than writing them out after the fact. There is something pure in the moment of discovery, the moment of revelation that goes missing by the time I reach a pen and paper.
When I go out social dancing I like to sit back and scan the crowd. Walking. Feel the vibe of the room. I find that I must find the pulse of the room before I can really settle down and come alive. Each dance hall has a different heart, each night the souls create a different rhythm. The parts joint into a whole with a unique energy in which I need to find a place to insert myself.
Tonight, what I saw on the dance floor was a great escape. An environment in which people come together and escape their world, their bodies, their minds. Here they come to jostle like lottery balls waiting for the song to end. I see it in their bodies, their movements, their thinking faces, their short breaths. Fear. Running away from fear. A hope that they are running fast enough. Am I doing it right? Does my partner like it? Uncertainty. In their desire to please their partner, how can they please themselves?
It in this frantic environment which I choose my dance. I want to create my own venue which has none of this nervous energy. I find these nights draining. It’s hard not to when everyone, including my partner yelling so loud. I feel their tension. Their fear. A mass of knots, of clenched muscles, of future cancerous growth. It pains me. I’m here to dance, and to dance I must connect with my partner. Feel what they feel, see what they see. With all this weighing them down, how can I dance my dance? How can I experience joy when there is no space for it?
I wish we can dance to enter within. To be ourselves. To have a conversation, not of “Am I doing it right?” but a discussion of “Together, let’s do something great”. How can we open up our dance to this conversion? A connection of two souls who have the strength to be themselves own, yet have the conscious awareness to lift the other up? Perhaps this isn’t dancing, but then than what is?